The Friend Zone

So I keep seeing this “Friend Zone” topic coming up a lot on Twitter so it made me think of my experiences and why I used to put a lot of my guy friends in the abyss….ooops I mean “zone”

Wikipedia defines it as “The friend zone is when one person in a platonic relationship wishes to enter into a romantic relationship while the other does not. It is generally considered to be a regrettable situation by the lovelorn person. Common publications giving advice on dating state that once this situation has happened in a relationship, it is difficult to undo.”

 We all have this habit of putting people in the “Friend Zone” I personally like to call the friend zone the “Maybe later when no one wants me & I’m desperate” zone.  If someone doesn’t want you there and then they’re not going to want you later on. It’s as simple as that.

Seeing as I’m a woman I can only write this in my perspective. Just like men if a woman wants a guy she’ll do everything in her power to get that guy. Don’t listen to this whole she’s shy malarkey, if she wants you you’ll know about it!

There are many reasons why I would put a guy in the “Friend Zone” here are the main ones I can think of from my own experiences;

1. He didn't try hard enough or show his REAL intentions earlier on
2.  He’s too friendly so you assumed he was gay
3.  He was flirting with other chicks in front of you so you didn't know he liked you so you dismissed anything happening with him.
4. You know him too well  and he’s like a brother now, so the thought of kissing him repulses you
5.    He just isn’t your cup of tea AT ALL
6. He’s good at picking you up when you’re down…..you know those times when you feel ugly or fat so he tells you, you’re beautiful & what not
7. You don’t find him attractive. Point. Blank . Period
8.  You know him TOO well, all his bad habits and his weak traits.
9.  You know he’s a douche when he’s in a relationship
10. He tells you all his little secrets that make him less manly which totally kill all aspects of him being a macho tough guy.

Well I had this best friend a while back who happened to be male, we did everything together he was like a brother to me, so when people started coming up to me saying stuff like “you know he loves you right?” I used to just brush it off like whatever.  Then about a year or two into our friendship he started dating some girl, she told him to stop speaking to me cause she didn’t feel comfortable with us being friends. When he told me this he said it in such a way where he was telling me he’d rather dump her than lose me, so I was like cool she doesn’t get our friendship so drop her…….and he did.

A few months went by and suddenly he stopped talking to me, I finally got a hold of him and sat him down to ask why he’s being distant and he confessed his love for me. He told me his friends had an intervention for him and advised him to stop talking to me for the sake of his love life. He said the problem was he kept hoping and seeing a future of us being a couple and together. All I could say was OH

I totally got where his friends were coming from so, me being the empathetic person that I am told him its cool if he felt he should stop talking to me if it was that deep rooted. I guess I kind of knew all along that his feelings were real but I didn’t know I was stopping him from being potentially HAPPY with someone else.

The moral of the story kids is if you have fallen victim to the abyss that is the friend zone QUIT throwing yourself at someone that has their arms crossed. They are most certainly not going to catch you now or later on. So move on while you still have some sort of dignity left even if it is as thin as a rail. 

On the other hand, if its you quietly telling the opposite sex (in not so many words) to parallel park in your Friend Zone please make sure you are clear and put that person out of their misery. Let us all euthanize and rebuke the friend zone.

Thank You

The type of men I don’t want to get married to.......

First of all I am really not a big believer in marriage so when I say married to ,I mean in the sense of who I am going to settle down with, have kids, let share my world and space. I’ve never witnessed a real true functioning relationship in my 23 years of living on earth. What I’ve learnt is you don’t need paper to prove you love to someone, I’ve attended countless  weddings where I’ve witnessed the bride and groom make each other promises in front of family and friends, but this didn’t stop anyone from cheating, falling out of love, changing etc. Because, yes people do change just like the seasons, so why can’t their feelings change too?

Conversations With God Book 3[i] on marriage says “Marriage - An artificial social construction designed to govern each other's behavior……Marriage lowers your love to the level of a promise or a guarantee......You should know that YOUR love is bigger than that!” I agree with this assertion.

And honestly I do believe my love is bigger than that, it’s not some playground pact where you and I make pinky swear promise?  Anyway, the other day I was having a chat with some of my friends and the topic of men I would never want to marry came up. One of my friends said something along the lines of “Yikes that’s a long list WHO are you going to end up with?” Here’s my suggested list:

A Soldier that’s seen action – that’s because I was watching “Homeland” and I thought to myself Yikes I don’t think I could be with a man that’s seen so much and can’t talk to me about it. I’ll forever be a part time psychologist….I’m selfish I know! LOL

A Musician – With a musician it’s kind of the obvious stuff groupies, groupies and groupies and on top of all that. Well…….. I’ll always have to be his part time cheerleader when the glory & groupies die down or disappear. *sigh*

A Businessman – This species of man is never around he’ll always be busy trying to uphold his empire from crashing down around him, therefore he’ll never have time to uphold our relationship cause come on -  a man cannot serve two masters right? Oh & I’ll always feel like somewhat of a “trophy wife”

A man with no ambition……I just couldn’t deal with that, with every relationship be it friendship or any other, each person needs to have they’re thing they love and are good at separate from their spouse. You NEED your “thing”

An Artiste – Im an artist myself I tend to go into bouts of deep depression when a design or whimsical idea doesn’t go as planned so imagine two similar people in a relationship? That Would be something for the reality TV crews lol

I could have gone on to number 200 until I thought to myself Tanya, WHAT YOU RESIST PERSISTS, whatever happens , happens and the universe has a funny way of doing things. So let me just sit back and see what the universe pairs me up with.  If something is meant to be, it will happen – at the right time, with the right person, and for the best reasons.

As with all things of the heart, there is an ingredient of magic in finding love.  There are no coincidences.  Everything happens for a reason.  Love is beautiful and unpredictable.  The best thing you can do is to start to become the most outstanding person possible.  The universe will know when you are ready, and when you are, true love will happen, unexpectedly.

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[i]  Neale Donald Walsch